Weaves

I give it to Nigerian women when it comes to dressing in our traditional clothes and also sometimes western clothes, however i have a big problem when it comes to the weaves that they hair. I was looking at some wedding pics a few weeks back and there was a particular brides maid whose hair was a total mess, and believe me she was in almost every picture. I believe that no one should ever be able to tell if you are wearing extensions in your hair, thats the beauty of extensions. also spend a little more money to get quality and not the dry horse tail some people wear in their hair, or maybe invest in a good hair cream or spray. A dear friend of mine wears her weaves so nicely, now she has the wet and wavy weave and she keeps it really mosturized by using water and a little setting lotion, so it always looks wet and people always come up to her to compliment her thinking it is her real hair.
Also please if a hairdresser leaves bumps in your hair while fixing your weave, dont pay her. She has no idea what she's doing, where the extentions attach to your hair should be flat not bulky. Sometimes, the long silky weaves also look very tacky, no black person's hair is that silky abi are you sunita?
Bright red, blue weaves are a no no. Honestly those are straight out GHETTO. I'm not against colored weaves but abeg tone am down with the color b4 you blind the rest of us
anyway sisters lets get it together with our weaves and If I sound like I'm being hard, I apologize,I i'm just stating my opinions. Good luck with the weaves

Summer...

Summer is winding down and its almost time to go back to school. While it has been fun, I 'll be glad to go back to my little job and school so i can stop being a house wife. I honestly cannot understand how some women handle it. I give them kudos.
anyway enjoy the rest of your summer

Rev Jesse Jackson is.....

... i'm not even sure of what to say. His comment that Barack Obama was talking down on black folks durng his father's day speech and that there are more important issues to deal with when talking about black folks is absolutely ridiculous. Once again, i think he had nothing else to say and so he had to say something negative to get himself into the eyes of the public.
Yes, too many black fathers are absent from their homes. They keep making babies and don't have the sense to take care of them. The Government actually has to force them to take care of their kids by garnishing wages and trying to locate them all over the country. If thats not a problem, then I dont know what a problem is. There are so many children that grow up with no father in the home and it reflects in their lives. So many boys or young men, misbehave because they have no role models to emulate. I give kudos to the mamas who bring up kids to be decent citizens but women cannot do it alone.
Irresponsible fathers, a lot of times bring about irresponsible children and fathers who are in jail are more likely to have their kids follow in their foot steps. Fathers who physically abuse their partners are more likely to have kids who follow in their foot steps.
Yes, kids who grow up having a responsible father in the house who sets rules have a better chance of being decent citizens
Black folks, lets call a spade a spade and stop trying to hide our problems as the first step to solving a problem is admitting that we have a problem

dead beat tenants

Most people complain about their landlord ' oh he is slow in repairing stuff, o, he's so mean blah, blah blah, but today my issue is with dead beat tenants.
Before I talk about deadbeat tenant, i'll define in my own words who a deadbeat tenant is. 'A tenant who has an excuse at the beginning of every month as to why they cannot make a payment and think that they are smater than their landlord'
When I moved states, I left my beautiful condo in the hands of an agent who finally got some tenants. But alas, i think they are the most annoying people, I've encoutered. Every month, its one excuse or the other and right now I'm in the process of suing them which is costing me MONEY. I'm so pissed, my irritation with them actually feels like ants crawling up my back.
I cannot wait for the court date, to get the deadbeats out. Dont these people understand that I need to pay mortgage on the place and that I'm not running a state prison where people can stay for free. Its been two months of no rent and I'm ready for them to leave NOW.I understand that people have financial problems and no one is immune from that, but at least let me know something and dont keep feeding me lies thinking that I'll swallow them hook, line and sinker.
Remember what you sow in life is exactly what you reap. So if you are renter be considerate of your landlord and put yourself in their shoes sometimes.
Ok thanks for letting me vent.

Boarder line Stupidity

Baby Mama/papa drama is on my mind today. Would you settle down with a man/woman who has different children with different women/men? Say about 5 different women/men. When people find out that that I grew up in Nigeria, they ask me if it is true that African girls marry at a very early age, most times I ignore the question but most times I want to say the African girls that you see on TV stay married to the older men that they married and have kids with that man. It is no different from a high school girl or boy in the US that has a child at 13 0r 15.
Once again, i have to refer to the area that I live, according to research, its one of the poorest and most backwards places in the US. It also seems to have the most children born out of wedlock. Does poverty make people stupid? How can you not feed yourself but decide to have a child? Coming from a different culture and background, where having kids out of wedlock is frowned on, I find it strange that most people who live here have at least two kids and some as many as five without ever getting married. Sometimes, I want to shake sense into the head of some of the ladies I talk to. I wonder to myself, are these folks not interested in making a better life for themselves?( i ask this, cause most work, and refuse to go to school) Maybe boredom is the reason these people make kids. Are people not scared of catching a disease from having unprotected sex? All these thoughts run through my mind each day.
To top it up, I hear about baby mamas fighting each other because of a man that cannot afford to take care of himself, talkless of the kids that he has made with these women. Many of these men are in and out of jail, and have grown ass women fighting over them. What a shame! What message do these mothers pass on to their little girls and boys?
I do understand if you have one child and something happens between you and your partner, but one women or man, four different children, four different baby daddies/mommies is a bit much and boarders on the edge of stupidity (yes i said it, for the oyinbo man talk say, once bitten twice shy abi?)
Once again, these are solely my opinions and for all the people that read this blog, i say to the men wrap it up and to the women, pls close ya legs haba not everyone that you meet has to visit 'Jerusalem.'

Racism

* If racism offends you or you are unable to be objective, pls do not continue reading.

I was just watching a lifetime movie about a native American girl who was labelled a witch in a town in Oklahoma just because she was different. The topic of racism always seems to make me very angry.I live in a town in the mid west which is about 50% black and 50% white, however the things that I see and observe here, I've really never seen in other places that I've lived. There are three major resturants (aside from the fast food joints and other little food places) that people visit if they do not want to travel out of town for food. These resturants have no African American servers or waitresses or no men servers. When I first noticed this, I thought i was paranoid but then realized that a few other people noticed also. Now, honestly why should i patronise these resturants if they do not appreciate my kind? Secondly the food is tastleless, so i'll rather drive 30 milesto get good food.

To make matters worse, a friend was telling my husband and I, how another co worker of theirs was like he could not stand black folks and that he'll rather vote for a white republican than a black democrat even though he's democrat. What gives anybody the right to hate someone just because of the color of their skin?. Not because of your attitude or your way of life but because of the color of your skin. What gives people the right to complain about other nationals coming into the country legallly because they are different from us or what we are used to?If you believe in God, then you need to believe that He made us all: black, white, yellow, brown and no race is better than the other race. Why are churches segregated on sunday mornings? Black folks attending one church, white folks attending another, Hispanics or latinos another etc. Why?
Why can we not take people for who they are and get to know them before we form an opinion about them,
So that my post does not seem one sided, i just want to add that there are people of all colors who are racist and opinionated about people of other colors.
In conclusion, a diverse society is a successful society, America belongs to all of us and not one race of people.

July 4th

Happy Independence day! It feels good to have an extra day off from work, school or the routine of life.
I've missed blogging but it seems that I kind of became addicted to facebook but not to worry I rebuke that addiction (lol). But seriously, Facebook is the place to be. I think it is the 'amebo' avenue of the internet from who's getting married, to who went to what party or whose dating who. Na wah. There are people who put every single picture that they take on face book and update their status every day. So you dont need to ask them any questions because the story has already been posted on facebook. I'm back here though, because I'm kind of tired of all the amebo.
I 've got a whole lot to write about that I've observed over the months but i've got to sit and think hard. I promise i'll be back shortly

I'm back

........ Back from my long vacation or rather my laziness.
How are you guys doing? hope well. Summer has been fun and very very laid back.
I'll update later on tonight or in the morning

Procastination

As we get to the end of the semester,i'm wondering where all the time went. I'm now faced with writing three different papers by the end of the month. hmm! it is all good though. I wonder why I cannot work like some of my classmates, I have to be stressed and praying for a 25th hour before i get down to doing my work. Typing late into the night and sweating to get my research work done. I promise myself at the beginning of every semester, that I'll change my habits, but alas, semester after semester, I do the same thing
They say " procastination is the thief of time" so i say get behind me procastination! Lol, you're a thief!
will be back after all the sweating and stress

school is kicking my .......

..... homework, take home exams and the likes has got me soo busy. I guess no pain no gain abi? I hope school pays off in the end both all the school loans and every other bill incurred in the process of getting this degree.
So whats up people? I've missed this blog.
anyway will be back soon

Whats in a Name?

What is in a name? I'm not sure this is the correct title for what I'm going to be writing about.
I'm trying to understand the purpose of Compound names. A few days ago, I asked my man if it was a problem if i did not change my last name to his after marriage. He told me he really did not care. I have a number of friends, those who changed their names to their husband's, those who added his last name to theirs and those who bluntly refused and still bear their maiden names even though they are married. So I'm curious does it really matter what a woman chooses to bear after she marries her husband?. How about if I honestly dont like my husband's last name or I love my maiden name. Honestly my name right now is short and sweet. But what happens when my kids ask why is your name different from ours? (and yes they'll will, kids ask the weirdest questions) Oh i'm a liberal woman or I hate your father's name. The beauty of it in America is most people call you by your first name or Ms.... as compared to Mrs lagbaja. And honestly who brought up the idea of women changing their last names? I'm really curious

Not another school shooting

My sympathy goes out to the students at Nothern Illinois University. 5 people lost their lives to a gunman who opened fire in a lecture hall Na wah o, Its scary that you cannot feel safe even in school. Honestly as I sit in my classes sometimes, the thought crosses my mind, that some psycho could come in and open fire. God forbid!
Anyway people, pray for the victims and their families as they go through this difficult period

It takes a village.....

....to raise a child.
Sometime ago, I was on a grocery line waiting to pay for my grocery, when I overhead an exchange between the cashier and the lady in front of me.Apparently, the lady who had her child in the shopping cart was cussing out the cashier because the cashier had told the lady's daughter to sit down in the cart or risk falling out. The lady went on and on, Its not your business, its my child blah blah blah. Most of the people on the grocery line were actually very suprised at the lady customer but refused to say anything
Few months later, I was watching TV and saw a report about a 14 yr boy who had been expelled or suspended for stoning his teacher. His mother was on TV saying 'oh he's just a child, he did not mean it, the punishment was too harsh, she even talked about race even though this school was a predominately minority school and the Principal who suspended or expelled the boy was AA.
My question is are parents becoming too sensitive or whats happening to parents?
Back in the day, while I was growing up, all my neighbors, family, teachers were responsible for my upbringing. I was quite a sweet child so I did not get a lot of whooping (lol) but trust me, that did not stop people from reporting my bad behavior to my mom, who in turn whooped me. My Mom always said "If you dont turn out good tommorrow, people will say you're your mother's child" I was scolded by family members, teachers, neighbors and everyone else who counted. I'm grateful today that I grew up in a society where my parents were not over sensitive about people scolding me or correcting me. I notice that sometimes, parents even have a problem with grandparents discipling the grandkids. If Grandma did not kill you, do you think she'll kill your child? Now If you were abused as in physically, then maybe there is a problem because you might have flashbacks and not want your child to go through that. Thats understood, or if you suspect, the adult scolding your child is being abusive or vindictive, then stand up for your child.
But aside from that, if a reasonable adult scolds or corrects your child, it might be for your good. Remember it takes a village to raise a child or the justice system to try to rehabilitate your grown no good child

I miss Lagos

I miss Lagos and all of the wahala of living in that place. I came across this picture on flickr and was like, I had to do a post about lagos. This picture reminds me of when I had to take the bus to do my GCE in Oshodi or to CMS for school shopping. No, I never lived in Ikoyi or in VI.(I notice that most people that I ask where they lived in lagos tell me Ikoyi or VI abegi leave story)
Anyway back to my busing experience in Naija, GCE came up just a few months after I left high school or rather the secluded life of boarding school and so I was on my own o. Going to CMS was with my mom, so at least I had company.
I remember the conductors hanging from the bus shouting "Osho-dii, Oshodii, 20 naira wole pelu change e o"( enter the bus with your change) lol. After the bus has been filled with the passengers, the conductor once again telling his Oga(boss/the driver) Oga mi go on sun u. (means go on) I also remember the conductor shouting the different bus stops and people responding 'o wa o' lol. Something that was also funny was "madam shift" na 4 people go sit for back o. But most of all, I remember a time when, there was fuel scarcity or strike, and buses became so scare,okada (motorcycle) was the order of the day, but people I was too scared to take okada from Oshodi home(not to say I had not taken okada on short distances before o).Anyway people started walking ,na so me self join them begin dey waka, I was soo tired when I got home."
Fast forward, a few years later, my first time on the city bus in Fl, I was not sure on how to alert the bus driver about my bus stop. I kept hearing a bell like sound and the bus driver stopping to let people out, I actually got off at the wrong stop because someone got off at that stop. That incident got me very home sick, I missed "o wa o", I also had to walk to the next bus stop which was quite a distance to catch my next bus.
People ask me all the time if I miss home and my answer is always " I miss home alot" Honestly I thank God, I grew up in Lagos and would not trade that experience for anything

Misconceptions

Whenever I identify myself as a Nigerian to people who don't know me,I sometimes get asked the weirdest questions, I'm sure if you are foreign born and speak with a so called accent, you can identify with me.Some questions I have been asked and my sarcastic answers include:

1.Q Is Mandela the president of Africa?
A. Yes, he is
2. Q.Do you ride camels in Africa, as in is it your main form of transportation?
A. Yes, the camels have parking spaces
3.Q Did you come to America on a boat?
A.Slave trade ended long ago, what are planes for?
4. Do you wear clothes/shoes back home?
A. No, we roam about naked
5. Q.How come you speak English so well?
A. We speak English in my country
6. Q. How come you're so pretty?
A. How come you are so ugly?
7. Q.Do you know .... his father is the king of Nigeria?
A. Yes, so is my father
8. Do you have houses in Africa?
A. We live in trees with the monkeys
9. Do you have Music?(honestly)
A. We dance to the rustling of the leaves
10. Can you speak afrikaan?
A. No, I speak Yoruba.
11. Are you of the Zulu tribe?
A. No, I'm of the Yoruba tribe
12. Did you ever watch TV back home
A. No we watch ourselves
13. Have you seen tigers?
A. No I've seen chickens

These are only a few of the many I can remember off the top of my head, If you have any, you'll like to share, please don't hesitate to do so

A 10 year old girl also just recently told me that she has visited Nigeria but was not able to visit Africa (lol, I'm not making this up)

No More!

This is one topic that I'm very passionate about, and although I'm not an advocate of the death penalty, I believe the commission of this crime warrants the death penalty. I'm talking about the molestation or sexual abuse of a child. I think that most child molesters get off with a slap on the wrist. What on God's green earth is attractive about a 2 year old child or even a 12year old child's body? Whatever happened to carrying out your fantasies with a willing adult participant?
Most times, the perpetrators are people that we trust such as teachers, priests, pastors, family friends even our own blood relatives. Once again I ask, what is so attractive about an innocent child?Why are these fools so bent on destroying the child? Even though, some resources and counselling might help the child, think about it, most people have flash backs for the rest of their lives. Some people try to get over it, but some never do for as long as they live.
What is most amazing, is the fact, that women perpetrators are becoming as bold as their male counterparts. Have you seen the number of female teachers on the news lately that have preyed on young men? So parents can't even trust sending their children to school without their children being preyed on. Like I stated earlier, these fools are let off the hook very easily maybe 10 years in jail with probation and signing up with the sex offender registry in whatever city they live in or move to. Most child molesters will repeat the crime, so why not leave them in jail and throw the keys away?.Why is it that drug dealers get harsher punishments than child molesters?
This problem is universal, at least if you get caught on this side of the world, there is some kind of punishment. In Nigeria, I'm not sure that people even want to talk about it. Parents are scared of what people will say if they confront the situation, so they brush it under the rug. Many 'aunties and uncles" are taking advantage of innocent children while Mummy and Daddy are busy trying to make a living. Most of these kids are too ashamed to tell their parents or sometimes have been threatened by the adult that has sexually abused them.
Sexual abuse of a child cannot be prevented in all situations, however we can start out by talking to our kids, establishing a good rapport with them, abeg don't trust nobody when it comes to your kids, That person that you feel, you know so well might be the one person that is molesting your kid. There are various websites that address the issue. One example is: http://childmolestationprevention.org/.
This is a difficult topic for me to talk about, but lets raise our voices as adults and say "No More" because it could be your son, daughter or relative that becomes the next victim.

We are smart People

"In a survey on the global awareness of children and teens, in ten countries, students in Nigeria the only African country included- ranked highest showing the strongest grasp of international affairs. Dead last was the United Kingdom just below the United States (Essence Magazine pg 123 Feb 2008)
Enough Said.
We are smart people despite the fact that a lot of people think all we do in Nigeria is 419. The average Nigerian is very concerned about getting an education. Even families, that are illiterate strongly encourage their children to get an education. A Nigerian will actually go to the hottest or coldest part of the globe to get an education. I bet you that there is at least one Nigerian in every University campus in the United States.
To all my fellow Nigerians I Say "Rock On" cause we Rock!

Life

I got to school yesterday and found out that the brother of a colleague and classmate of mine passed away over the weekend. He was only 32 and according to his obituary, he died of natural causes. Even though I never really knew this person, I still felt a sense of loss because he was so young. All day yesterday, i thought of the family and the different emotions that they must have felt. This leads me to my post of today.
Death, as we know is inevitable as long as you are born into this world. I remember someone saying that no matter how long you live on earth, let your life count for something. So whether you live to 70 or 80 or 35 , ask yourself, "Have I made an impact on my world or my society or even my family? If death should come at this very moment, will people remember me for something I did (positively) or will they just attend my funeral because of my family or because I lived in the same neighborhood with them etc ?
I've made up my mind to make a difference in the lives of people who know me and those who don't. In the lives of people who hate me and those who love me.
I've decided to remove myself from the bandwagon of bench-warmers and become active in my community.
What will you be remembered for?

Happy MLK day

The year 2008, marks 40 years since MLK was assassinated on the balcony of his hotel room in Memphis. A few months ago, I had the privilege of visiting that hotel which has since become the MLK museum and it was quite an experience. I implore that if you ever visit the City of Memphis that you visit the MLK museum. I actually felt as if I lived in the era of when he was alive:the museum takes you through the civil rights movement and what African Americans had to go through because of the color of their skin. I tell you it was really sad. At the end of the museum tour, which was when he was assassinated, I actually felt a sense of loss. Anyways, like I earlier stated, visit with your family, friends and loved ones and it'll be worth your time and money.
In conclusion, MLK and the civil rights movement did not only fight for equality for African Americans but also for the all black people like me. Even though, I grew up in Nigeria, I have been given the opportunity to come to the United States and work and go to the school of my choice,the opportunity to get quality health care and the opportunity to live in the area of my choice (despite white flight lol) and most importantly, the oppotunity to vote and voice my opinions without being lynched.This is not to say that racial discrimination does not exist, but at least I'm tolerated as compared to being hated
For this, I'm grateful for the civil rights movement and the likes of MLK.

I need....

ring ring ring
me: hello
caller: hi madam t
me: D, how are you?
caller: I'm fine, cant talk too long cause I dont have credit on my phone, but
I need $500 because Ihad an accident and i need to register for classes and buy books for school
me: ...but Dele, I'm a student, dont really have that money
caller:Why are you so stingy?Debola(another friend) just sent $1000 to sarah . Is it not the same america that you are, anyway try and send me something.... click(hangs up)

See me see trouble o, $500 ko, $500 ni! Am I supposed to pluck the money from my backyard tree?
Honestly, I'm very curious about what they show on Nigerian TV about people living abroad.Do they honestly think money grows on trees and that we dont have any use for the money we earn.
Most of the money, we earn is used to pay BILLS.
Light bill $90 due on the 15th
car note $275 due on the 30th
mortgage/rent $975 due on the 1st
credit card $100 due on the 15th
Insurance $70 due on the 8th
These are just a few examples of some bills, and trust me you'll get a late fee or even a dent in your credit if you make late payments
Back home, majority of people with cars own them (no car note) home owners, more than likely do not have to pay mortgage, even renters pay at the beginning of the year, light bill (how many people honestly pay on a monthly basis?)ok maybe they have to pay phone bills... hmm think it is a pay as you go system.School fees(every 3 months) so abeg where is your money? I just think I need to call my friends back home and ask them to send me some money or what do you think?Few of my people/friends who come to visit from Naija spend more than I can imagine spending right now. The evidence is in their shopping. They can afford to buy suits worth $200 and bags worth almost $400;something i cannot do without swiping the card
Now if you dont work, thats a different case;but if you have a full time job, abeg dont call me as I have to work my .... off to make a living and the same way you dont send me the money you make, I owe you nothing. I owe my parents, sibling and maybe a few friends who I know really need my help. Aside from that, I owe no man

My Nappy Self

I'm going to start by saying that i'm a lover of nappiness(kinky hair). For some strange reason, I also love the word nappy or kinky, it makes me feel a connection with my hair.For people who have a problem with the word, no offense.
My decision to go nappy was very coincidental, my hairdresser at the time kept cutting my permed hair everytime i went to visit because she said it was damaged. The last time she cut it, i got soo frustrated and made up my mind to stay away from the perm for about six months. Once my natural started to grow out, i just loooved it and never went back to the perm and my prayer at that time was"God, dont let me die, let me enjoy my hair for a while" lol. Four years later and i'm still loooving my hair despite all my initial experiments. A lot that i've learnt about my hair has come from motown girl and afrobella. Thank you girls, you helped me keep my nappy hair despite all the critism from family and friends.
Now mind you, i live in a small town, where 50% of the population is black but natural hair is generally seen as unkempt and horrible. I have actively looked for a hairdresser for my hair, only to be told "we only work with straight hair (permed hair). I've also seen less than 5 people with nappy hair in my school. Moving from a big city where a good number of ladies wear their hair nappy to a small town, where everyone and their mama wears their hair straight(despite the condition of their hairlines)is quite dissappointing for me.
My home country is not any better, as most Nigerians wear their hair straight.Nappy hair is seen as being poor or unpolished. I'm not trying to bash sisters with straight hair, understand that how you choose to wear your hair is your business as how I choose to wear my hair is my business abi (right)?
anyway to the ladies in the house who have lots of strands of hair, or few strands of hair i say ROCK ON

Marriage and Babies

Ok people, i'm curious as to the reason why people always feel the need to ask me questions that is no business of theirs. Intially it was; "oh when are you getting married?"Nothing wrong with the question you might think. I'll tell you what i find wrong with the question. First and foremost I cant marry myself abi (right)? secondly, i'm not marrying any scumbag just to be called Mrs Someborri and thirdly half of the people who asked me that question were actually divorced. My thoughts were ' so now you want me to be like you?'Among my people, being married is some kind of prestige or honor. I guess even if your husband is useless, as long as you are Mrs.... people would respect you. How ironic!
Ok, now, I've found a wonderful man to share my life with, the next question is 'Do you have children, or when do you plan to have children? Haba, na wah o, people take am easy. Na God dey give Pikin(God gives children). I went to a babyshower today, and that was the question, most people were asking, only to find out that they started having babies at 14 and 15(abeg thats way to early, my opinion)shoot me if you wish, i think anyone under 20 is way too young to have children. What happened to going to college or trade school to make a better life for that child? (i know, some people attain these things after having kids, but majority do not)
anyways, just wanted to say, there is a time and season for everything and I'm in no rush, in God's time, everything will work itself out.